Category Archives: Personal

Personal posts

Project Thoughts: Revival of Project Fireseal

I apologize in advance if this came out as nonsensical ranting and raving from sleep deprivation.

Many of my readers know that I am a very passionate fan of cars and modifying things. As odd as it is… I do miss my first car: A 1990 Acura Integra GS sedan in white. The car was a good car, but when it got up in the years… all sorts of things fell apart on it. While it fell apart, I still remember asking my father to help wrench with me to get things back in working order. I still remember the broken promises of my family titling the car to me when I lived under their roof so I could give my car a second chance… I was going to overhaul the car with a new engine, a 5-speed manual transmission, new wheels, a custom suspension set-up, and most of all… a brand new repaint to a bright and pearly white. But after a few catastrophes happened… My car became a zombie and was sold off to market. This sacrifice would give me a small offering to get my current MX-5 Miata. I love my Miata, but with it’s category… it does have some drawbacks.

Over this past Christmas holiday, I was actually partly to blame as a “killjoy” to my family for not owning a 4-door car because they had wanted to fly out to Orlando, Florida to attend the wedding of my cousin out there. They did not trust me to drive their cars as I am not insured under their policy. There have been times where I have wished I could have dragged friends along, but well, a 2-seater roadster can only hold one other human. There are times I have wanted to take Sol and my friends around… but well… I end up having to give first priority to Sol.

I have also had times where I have had to buy groceries for family and that ends up very poorly. Why? I end up playing Tetris when I have to cart up an entire month worth of groceries for my family when I do a 1-man run for my mother. I have had the “pleasure” of playing the game, but well… I am not a fan. Moving crap home in my roadster was both comical and a pain in the ass… When you make 8 trips from a 20 minute stretch, it becomes a failure. With the possibility of going to Texas A&M Commerce, hauling my initial move-in gear with my MX-5 is a bad move.

So I have considered a very reasonable plan… Picking up a spare sedan as a people and/or supply hauler. Which cars are on my “roster”? Just two simple and great used cars. A third generation Acura Integra GS-R sedan or first generation Lexus IS300. Reasons? Small, nimble, and agile but gas sippy to boot. The charms of these cars are that they are sharp in a timeless classical sort of way. I know, the Integra GS-R is “the wrong drive wheels” but front wheel drive can be a godsend for bad weather days in Dallas… like rainy days. The IS300 would be more ideal as it would keep me locked into the rules of rear wheel drive. Either choices would be great as they would be plenty reliable. Let’s shoot them out though…

Acura Integra GS-R Sedan (Circa 1999 – 2001)
My first Integra from 1990 proved to be plenty reliable when everything was in working order. The worthy B18A1 engine was a plenty throaty scream at 7,000 RPM but I never got much chance to play with the “sweet spot” of my engine from one crutch: the god-forsaken 4-speed automatic transmission that was a useless void of slushy gears. The lunky 14″ aluminum wheels provided a less than adequate traction patch and really left more to be desired. I got once chance to drive a stock GS-R sedan from 1996 and I almost fell in love with the refined experience. It was basically the experience that my car was SUPPOSED to be. The difference from 130 HP versus 170 HP with a far more refined gearbox and suspension proved how much more of a refinement the experience was. To get one would be a a fun ride, though the modification bug may bite me and then there will probably be thoughts of dropping in a bolt-on GReddy turbo kit with a TD06 turbo and push 220 HP to the wheels. With how the automotive market looks like… I could easily find one of these for cheap.

Lexus IS300 (Circa 1998 – 2005)
The first run of the IS300 has always charmed me. The slick chronograph dials for the essential functions and then the matter of its nimble handling have struck me as a fan. I was almost edging to get one until the “luxury” moniker made my young, accident ridden insurance record go beyond my means… The experience in the IS300 is not a raw, visceral, and untamed power like the Integra GS-R sedan, rather, it’s a more polished and posh driving experience without carrying an expensive German name badge. The IS300 holds its value rather well, but with how well the new and current generation is faring… the market resale value may have dropped on the car. The only issue is I want a 5-speed manual edition so that I can keep honing my driving skills rather than get sloppy from automatic driving, but the used market is flooded with overpriced “tuner” projects where the builder is trying to recoup their losses or too many automatic versions.

With those points mentioned… What are my “terms” for picking up something for Project Fireseal?

  • Cheap price – To prevent me from “needing” to loan money from my family
  • Manual transmission – So I do not get lazy and fool myself that I can multi-task and drive
  • “Quiet” Colors – This will prevent my purchase from attracting the attention of law enforcement or thieves.

The main purpose of Fireseal is to primarily be just a beater car with the ability to haul things. Later, I may seek to improve performance, but it is not a priority. If anything, it is more of a tribute to my first car. If anyone has suggestions of great, reliable 4 door cars that are great to drive and can be found for cheap with manual transmissions, feel free to comment. The Integra and IS300 are the only ones I know of that appeal to me.

Change of Pace – Staggering my Workout until I am 100%

My leg is still acting up, but it is recovering nicely. Today, I could feel some pain from walking or running, almost as if it felt like it was dislocated. So I just need to back off and let my body heal properly. My body is slowly returning to how I was at age 19, but with much more strength from properly feeding myself rather than the undernourishment business I was doing to myself. It’s amazing what proper eating and rest can do. Tomorrow, I should be hitting it the gym with another session. It should be more running for me, provided things go right with work at the office letting me out on a timely fashion.

Wine Review Teaser

From Wednesday night, I had the flight of Cabernet Sauvignons from The Parlour Wine Bar when I went to drink with my friend and cheer them up. It was a unique test in flavors and had quite a bold finish towards the end. I’ll throw it online tonight when I get a chance after work. The ambiance and mood of the site was quaint enough to provide me just the concentration to focus on savoring the flavors from the wine and it was well worth the time that I had spent there.

Decadence in a Night

It is rare that I am called to arms as a friend who defends the integrity of others. I was called tonight to be a defender and it was quite the night. I had quite a lot to drink and the fun was irreplaceable. The line up was formidable and hell, it was a lot for me. I haven’t felt this sort of mellow in ages and I definitely don’t regret it. To see my friend smile and laugh let me know I did my duty as a friend. For those curious of what I had…

  • Flight of Cabernet Sauvignon wines
  • A round of Crown Royal on the rocks
  • A dry martini
  • 2 rounds of Tuaca Lemon Drop Shots

The last 3 were when I cut to the chase and wanted to really have some fun with my friend. After that all and returning them home, I would stop by Denny’s to eat and sober up. It was one hell of a night, but damn… I am gonna be one fucked up bitch.

Afterthoughts at 10:30am: After that hard drinking just to cheer my friend up, I actually have a tinge of a hangover. I hope I can survive work today, heh.  I will surely be glad when my daily vitamin kicks in and I’ll be watering up for sure. I may need a Gatorade or something to restore the lost electrolytes from last night just to ensure I don’t keel over from the remains. A Coke has been nice to ease the slight discomfort. Unfortunately, it does set me back a day from working out, so tomorrow, I will hit the gym hard.

Back to Deathbeast Rituals

Tomorrow, I begin hitting back hard on my workout again. Last week was more dietary control and trying to run right on the border of 2,000 calories or making deficits for high intake days. It was more myself trying to celebrate life and it was fun. There were good people I had a great time with, but I don’t regret my fun.

I look forward to tear fresh muscle and tweak the seeds of progress again. Nothing like a positively good sweat to let me know that I have done well. The strength of youth and a meditation of strength are things that I long for. Family has been fighting with me, so gym time is more time to myself so that I may become a “deathbeast” as my friend once called it. My friend referred to the term deathbeast as the state of a working out with a great state of intensity to help facilitate great development. The sort of development that turns a frail intellectual into a strong gentleman. Mind you, it’s nothing even close to “roiding up” and having superficial muscular development. Most of the torn muscle from before the holiday chaos has healed nicely, so I am once again apt to really push harder.

I have one month and one week left until my weigh-in… In the name of health and glory, I shall give it my all.

Staking in for the Blind and Showing of Hands – Texas A&M Commerce

So today I took a journey to Commerce, Texas and take a gamble on my academic fate. A friend needed me to be navigator, but also found out that Texas A&M Commerce has a pre-pharmacy program. I figured “what’s the harm of sitting 1 hour in a car to navigate?” because ultimately, it could benefit me. If the event was a bust, then it wouldn’t be like going “all in” but rather folding my hand of cards. It wasn’t much something out of the ordinary, as I arise at 8am… but with torn glutes, quads, and hams… It makes for a difficult task to want to get out of a warm bed.

After brushing fangs and forgetting to mix my whey protein shake for breakfast, I’d make a beeline to my friend’s house to rendezvous with them for our trip. For once, traffic in Dallas was favorably nice! I had never been out to East Texas, so seeing the real country side was interesting. The amusing part for me was seeing a Carl Jr’s out on I30 East as that restaurant was a mythical restaurant that didn’t exist in the south, until today. The boring nothing was spontaneously broken up with scenic views of lakesides and the nice overcast sky with the clouds peeping out. The journey took an hour, but traffic was not as bad as my friend had predicted. Being avant garde made us extremely early, because our tour was scheduled at 2pm and it was 11am. I’d throw in my application and just inform them that I was going to have my school submit my transcripts via fax or mail. They have a policy of not eating the application fee unless acceptance is confirmed.

The next phase was to do “logistics” and locate shops for provisions. There was a Wal-Mart across I50 from the school. There are some fast food restaurants not too far away. The funny part is that there’s a liquor store about a short walk from the campus. An O’Reilly’s is about a short distance from the school, should I need car parts on short notice.

After eating a quick lunch and ratting around Wal-Mart for logistical reasons… We wandered back to the campus to prepare for the tour. It was brisk tour in the 40F cold with gusting winds, so it was not a pleasant for an experience. Our guide was great and quick… I was impressed by the facilities. The recreation center looked vast, but we didn’t explore there. The overview of the facilities revealed something very slick, a rock climbing cylinder! Something I’d kill to tackle after getting my arms back in shape… Most of the buildings are either being built or being upgraded, though some of the new buildings (1-2 years old) look great! The sciences building (where I will probably spend the bulk of my studies) looks like a pleasant environment to be in. After looking into things like transfer requirements and what essential courses I need to polish up on.

I like the campus, dearly. To be isolated in Commerce, away from the buzz of Dallas and the suburbs will keep me from wanting to spend a single dollar locally on weekdays to minimize my expenses. That and to be separated from “civilization” will allow me to concentrate on my studies. For once, I could care less about civilization and the metroplex. The big break from my family to be able to concentrate on my school work is the biggest incentive. The final hurdle is my coursework which I hope I just touch the 2.0 minimal GPA, after that, it’s more on me to pray I can get federal aid or loans for the $6,000 – $8,000 tuition.

For now… I hope that things work out for me, because I want to excel high. I would like to keep this as a surprise to my family if I get accepted… because I know right now, they see me as a “failure” or a pathetic buffoon. To be fair to myself, I have been slaving at my toiling to succeed. With fighting my personal demons, academic redemption, and debt, my mind has not been able to vector on progressing further with my education. I know Sol has witnessed me fall and pick myself up from shambles… With my supportive friends, they have helped mend and sew me together. I will fight on, because I know that I can succeed. I savor success and crave victory… I just wonder if family will cheer me on if I am accepted. If they do, then good. If not, then I shall hold myself high and stand proud.

Pictures are now online via my Flickr, enjoy! – ZeroXR

Pale Solar Flare
Pale Solar Flare

Expanse of Nothingness
Expanse of Nothingness

Gloomy Horizon
Gloomy Horizon

Commerce Sign
Commerce Sign

Lack of Working Out, Office Chaos, and Staking Myself a Gamble

Some may have noticed that I haven’t posted any fitness logs for the past few days… It’s been hectic with New Years hours at the office and a few things throwing a wrench in my plans. I know that I should be kicking it up a notch, but the numbing mental exhaustion of fighting a chaotic front at work and another at home just overwhelm me. I hope to get some hours in on this coming weekend, as I owe it to myself to feel great.

The office has wracked my mind with just a numbing conundrum of problems. Missing files and dead end paper trails, inventory that’s out of wack,  just things that are becoming both a legal issue and a safety concern. I am greatly afraid that if my superiors don’t hammer these issues out, it will not bode well with corporate officials. I have strained my mind to find answers to these problems and I simply can’t pin-point it spot on. It gets so bad that sometimes I even have nightmares about the office where I catch myself screaming “no… no..! Not the damn papers!!!!! ahhhhhhh!!!!” on awaking. Well… not that dramatic, but you get my drift. From my concerns and even my new partner picking up rapidly on my worries, my superiors have decided to make a safety meeting. Unfortunately, it’ll be before our dinner at The Cheesecake Factory as a “Christmas Dinner” event because we can’t just close the office for a 35 minute – 1 hour meeting about safety issues versus national trends. The good part is not being in uniform, so I may suit up in my nice clothes to enjoy the festivities after the safety meeting.

Tomorrow, I take a trip to possibly throw the dice on a gamble that may be the best thing I have considered. Sure, it’s a 2 hour trip west of Dallas, but if the cards line up right… I may have found my ticket out of a purgatory that has been my life for the past 2 years. Being on the line for academic Hell sucks and I want to push my life towards the better. I am getting a grand tour and hopefully the investment of time will be worth the day. In the case that the gamble is a failure, it just means I need to look at some of my other options. I know the stakes of tomorrow being a total bust or “snake eyes” is a fair 50/50, so it’s all on how it plays out. The first “blind” doesn’t require a buy-in, while the second “blind” does have a $300 non-refundable buy-in.

I would like to add a prayer to my boss as he’s been struggling with being in the “doghouse” with his wife and work. I hope that things get better for him, because he feels like an infantry unit to me rather than a commander. He’s the ideal leader that I strive to work with and the same time that I would take a bullet for. It’s tough to have corporate on him for not exceeding numbers on certain corporate metrics but as well as stuff in regards to his wife. Boss, if you’re reading this, I am praying that things get better for you.

Hopes and Desires for the New Year

I would like to start the new year with a positive note. The year of 2007 had its share of painful trials and tribulations, but after some positive reflections… I think I could learn to love life again. I am disappointed from the loss of my friends who flaked on me, but it’s not like they were any good to me. From the flames of my own immolation, I was reborn and rebuilt from my true friends, my mentors, and most of all myself. I know from my debts, I cloistered myself from my friends because I was ashamed to hang out with them from being the worst off. With most of my debts behind and just a more centric focus on my loan repayment, I should be less stressed this time around.

I would like to spend more time being close with my friends and family for 2008 as a token to them for being there for me. I know some people have basically sat through my bouts of word vomit about the pains of my life or trials of my job… To them, words cannot even begin to express my gratitude. Rather than do the things that the younger folks like doing (going to the clubs, getting wasted, etc), I would like to do much more mature things with my dear friends like meeting at a wine parlor for a drink of wine or spirits while conversing. With the lost year due to debt encumbering me, I understand now what my mentors meant by “soon, you’ll see life fly before your eyes.” I have been so out of touch with my friends that it has been shocking throughout this year to hear things like “You know, that person died?” or “She got pregnant and is marrying in 3 months!” was a bit of a blow to me being sheltered from my own existence.

To my dear friends, both distant ones and local ones, if you ever have free time… Give me a call. I’d like to catch up on the times or even catch a meal/drink if possible. Because I know most of you all have had drastic changes or even dropped off the radar! I would like to do my best as a good friend and try to catch up with the times. Be it as simple as catching a burger or sitting down with a glass of merlot wine, all that matters is that I am doing my best to be involved in your lives.

I know that the majority of my family is a “lost cause” because of their stigma of me being the “black sheep” both figuratively and literally; while cousin Sol redeems me as almost like a brother as we seem to lead parallel lives. I am out of touch with my own family due to the fact that I broke out to the “cruel world” and experienced things that opened my mind. I know that my experiences were much like a Pandora’s Box sort of thing so I changed as human person, rather than a naive child. I know I am not the most academic person like my prodigy of a sister or a “genius” like my cousin in Florida, but I do not quite like being thought as just a plain failure. I don’t much like the vanish rewards dangling in front of me bit either, as it makes little to any difference to me. I know my family has been trying to “bribe” me to getting into a bigger school with the reward of having my car note paid and throwing a sizable down payment to getting a brand new car of my choosing, but I don’t see how that will work out if I am still going to be repaying a loan to them. For once, I wish that they would break things down honestly to me and just give me the truth. I could care less about them paying my car note, because with only $8,000 left, I am sure I can handle it. Down payment for a new car, forget it. I would be more than fine if I could just pick up a cheap little Acura Integra GS-R sedan for a couple grand with my own money then have the stigma of “You owe us!” hang over my head. I can always wait for my “new car” after my degree. From my realization that I had evolved away from my own family… I realized that I can’t fight for them, I have to fight for myself and my ideals.

This year, I hope to get into stocks and securities to try making some cash as a next egg. I have some ideas of which stocks to look out for, just the issue is buying in. My mentor has offered to learn me up on stocks, so I have been taking in his wisdom and learning. It doesn’t help that my gym basically has CNBC streaming stock news and the ticker with potentially hot stocks or stocks that are quickly turning into garbage. Unfortunately, I don’t have the money to subscribe to some stock analysis sites… so my only other option is to use Google or Yahoo finance to analyze various securities and piece together news reports for determining possible good or bad stocks. If I could get into stocks enough to secure my future assets, I would probably be able to finance my education on my own.

I am honestly surprised with my progress with working out and I hope to step up my intensity harder to gain more results from my effort. My body seems to be adapting quickly to my training, as my arms, legs, and abs are showing the seeds of my progress. A dear friend invited me to be their date for a wedding they were invited to, so I would like to look my best for that event some time in November. I have my 3rd month goal in February (2/11/2008) to try to be slimmed down to 140 lbs mainly to try trimming off my body fat index because I am at about 23% body fat. Hopefully with the incentive that I have set myself that I can reach my goal and bring down my body fat percentage down, then steadily gain muscle mass by November.

As for my car, the poor thing needs its 60,000 mile service soon. I would have gotten it done this month, but well repaying the loan sharks for parents seems to cause a fight when I say “I am trying to save up for my 60,000 mile maintenance”. I just hope my car lasts until then. The poor thing needs new rear tires and I know I have been trying to get better wheels… I hope to just save up for some good wheels and tires to do an upgrade on my car, because I think my car needs a wider patch of traction. With the new wheels, I may look into a total brake system upgrade that looks very close to stock. I know that I will probably I will probably be considering a Brembo set of discs with a set of 4-piston calipers. I am going to be seriously considering a brake pad upgrade until I can do a disc and piston upgrade for improved stopping power. Safety wise… I am looking more into rollbars and a stock hardtop as I know family has been voicing more and more concerns about my car. I am not going to itemize my desires, but I will say that safety and chassis strength is my focus this year.

Excelsior Times with my Cousin Sol

So my cousin Sol has been back in town since a few weeks ago and it has been great to see him. We have had fun when we have met and that is a great thing. This Thursday I had taken him out to Krystal’s out in Carrollton to devour quite the smorgasbord of food. To anyone curious, here was our list of destruction:

  • 18 Krystal Chik’s, plain and dry
  • Krystal Sackful Combo
    • 12 Cheese Krystal burgers
    • 2 Medium Fries
    • 2 Medium Drinks
  • 4 Chili Cheese Pups
  • 4 Corn Pups

The introduction was funny as hell… but as soon as we were getting full, the momentum began to slow. The funny stuff would happen towards the end as we would begin to reflect more on the little things from our childhood as kids. Eventually it would lead to us packing up and calling it a day.

I know that throughout the day, we had discussed about the troubling times in his life and how it somewhat parallels my life. It’s a pile of crap to deal with, but for him, it has lead to him lacking a car. I know that’s one of his main wishes, the ability to drive his own car and finally get self reliance rather than asking for the assistance of others. I am praying for him, because of all the people who deserve a wish, he’s probably the one who could use a car the most right now.

To end this on a happier note, I’d like to link to pictures of the carnage from this Thursday. Enjoy!

A Prayer for my Partner in Her Time of Trials

My partner at the office has had one hell of a crappy run of luck. From a rocky divorce to boyfriend issues, having to find a new home, possibly trying to get a second job to supplement income, and then today… She totaled out her car in an accident. She’s had one hell of a rough time. My assistant manager called seeking me to render her aid as my partner was simply unable to come in to do her shift today. Of course, I bolt out of bed like a secret agent after grooming myself to an acceptable manner to strap into my roadster and make it in as quick as I can.

After tagging in on the time clock… I was plugging away at my tasks while trying to hold the fort down. My assistant manager would ask me to at least call my partner to reassure her that my arrival would mean I could attempt to stabilize things until she could make it in. She would regretfully say that she had no means of transportation which was bad news… The office was under an hour lock-down for all employees and overtime was not permitted to anyone. I knew my time was going to be abruptly short, but I did not know how badly. I found that I was already at 34 hours for the week and coming in at 10:30am would mean I would have to bounce out at 4:30pm while leaving my assistant manager to fend for herself on the final stretch for 1.5 hours. I felt horrid that I couldn’t get anything done effectively as the strain of being short-handed on inventory from my other subordinate failing to order proper supply levels basically stranded us while being bombarded with work from clients all day. The worst was just the thought of leaving my assistant manager by herself, because I have never done that in all the years I have worked with the office… It is not like me to leave my leader to fight alone, because I am one to defend them.

I would like to throw this post up as a prayer for my partner that things will get better. They may take time, but I know that good things will happen along the way and that should hopefully put things towards a better path. Sometimes the path of darkness leads us to a brilliant light, but we cannot be afraid to ask for the help of others. I know that both my superiors are praying for her and I am praying for her as well. Hopefully, someone out there will be merciful on her and bring her a blessing that would be much appreciated right now. To my partner, may God give you grace in a time of trial… because when He can give you strength, you shall be able to overcome your struggles and make it out!