I know I haven’t been on as much as I’d like to from the holidays and that hectic business… Luckily, it was not too bad. The “new” phone, BlackBerry Curve 8310, has been a joy to use and it’s stability is one out of the realm of my lost Nokia from eons ago. The office is all in a tizzy from some leadership things, but I won’t go into that, lest someone wishes to hear me out.The office seems to have run into the issue of “Let’s point the finger”, rather than “let’s analyze the chain”. This is a disappointing revelation as I really want to help my office, but one person has taken a personal offense to my observations all due to the amount of time I have been with the company. I just remember her taking one of my simple procedural observations way out of proportion and somehow perverted my helpful intentions into a grudge match.

“What the hell’s your problem Zero?! Do you seriously think we’re not competent to do our jobs?!”

That being the “showstopper” quotation of the whole exchange. All from making observations that moods are contageous and that the leader of the show must exihibit fortitude to not let their emotions take over. The minute their mood takes control… The ramparts will fall. If there was one thing I loved about my IV pharmacy, it was this one single quote from my boss at the IV lab:

“Leave your shit at the door and check your baggage at the gate… We’re in this Hell together and we’re here to make lives of others better. If you can’t do that, then you should consider another career path.”

I whole heartedly stick to this because the trade of pharmacy is about making human lives more tolerable. If we come off irritated, annoyed, or angry… The patient will feel this; naturally, they will show us the same resentment too. I never understood this profound “rhythm” until now, but it makes so much sense as to why patients who encounter me are rather pleasant and comforted by me.

Another vexing thing that has angered me greatly is their issue of “We can’t get anything done and they are cutting our hours! OMGz WTF BEE-BEE-QUE?!?!?!?!!?111!!!?!?!?!” I have expressed that they have to use intelligent mitigation and maximize productivity when things are slow… but their execution is highly poor at best. When they leave a basket of items for me to play *coughs* “T3h K1een3r” but somehow find the ability to scapegoat me for not being able to do another task that was some how unaccounted for… It makes me wonder HOW that extra time is being used, not WHAT it is being used for. When one person is expected to have the same work abilities as 2.5 people (yes… imagine a useless lower torso flailing around) but some how gets blamed for not doing enough as one person… It becomes aggravating.

I don’t want my office to fall to pieces… but I realize that on becoming the “weekend guy”, I become like the all time scapegoat of the pharmacy world: The on-call pharmacist. Mark my words: The on-call pharmacist seems to be the sacrificial lamb when any-fucking-thing goes completely bat-shit insane. I never understood this… but with my work shifting to lesser hours. I am much like this creature. I am not part of the drama that is the office. I am the mercenary: call, fulfill duty, and walk. Any technical issues, I get blamed for somehow. The rationale: I am not there enough to be “competent” enough on what my duties are. The dramatic irony… when there’s a real shit storm involving billing and the chips are down, I magically get a casting of respect and get asked to resolve the problem. After the issue is solved, I don’t get human respect. I am like a surgical instrument: bloody, forgotten, and quietly purged of my crimes.

I think my on-call pharmacist is right… “Sometimes when you have fought valiantly and tried in vain… Sometimes the only recourse is to let the world burn.” I have tried to warn about internal issues tearing the office asunder, but my words fell on deaf ears and empty minds. I guess I will sadly have to take that role of “I told ya so” when the time comes.